Identifying and Confronting Emotional Lies

Sadness Abandonment Shame Related Lies

I am alone. I will always be alone. I have been overlooked. They do not need me. I don’t matter. No one even cares. They are not coming back. There is no one to protect me. God has forsaken me too. No one will believe me. I cannot trust anyone. I am afraid they won’t come back.

Scriptural Truth:

Hebrews 13:5 “...I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 139:5 “You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:17 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

 Shame Tainted Related Lies

I am so stupid and ignorant; an idiot. I should have done something to stop it from happening. I allowed it. I was a participant. I should have known better. It was my fault. I should have told someone. I knew what was going to happen, yet I stayed anyway. I felt pleasure, so I must have wanted it. I was a participant. It happened because of my looks, my gender, my body, etc. I should have stopped them. I did not try to run away. I deserved it. I am cheap, like a slut. I was paid for service rendered. I kept going back. I did it to him/her first. I’m bad, dirty, shameful, sick, nasty, etc.

I am dirty, shameful, evil, perverted, etc., because of what happened to me. My life is ruined. I will never feel clean again. Everyone can see my shame, filth, dirtiness, etc. I will always be hurt, damaged, broken because of what has happened. I will never be happy. I will always be unclean, filthy, etc. God could never want me after what has happened to me. My body parts are dirty.

Scriptural Truth:

Romans 6:21-22 “But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.”

Psalm 139:14 “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

 Hopeless Despair Confusion Related Lies

It is never going to get any better. There is no way out. It will just happen again and again. There is no good thing for me. I have no reason to live. There are no options for me. I just want to die. Nothing good will ever come of this.

 I don’t know what is happening to me. Everything is confusing. This does not make any sense. Why would they do this to me. (This lie is sometimes confused with demonic interference. Demons will cause confusion in a memory which will feel much like a confusion lie.)

Scriptural Truth:

Jeremiah 32:17 “Ah, Lord GOD! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Powerlessness/ Trapped Related Lies

I cannot stop this. He/she/they are too strong to resist. There is no way out. I am too weak to resist. The pain is too great to bear. I cannot get away. I am going to die, and cannot do anything about it. I cannot get loose. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do. Everything is out of control. I am too small to do anything.

Scriptural Truth:

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Romans 8:11 “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”

 Fear Related Lies

I am going to die. He/she/they is going to hurt me. I do not know what to do. If I tell, they will come back and hurt me. If I trust, I will die. He/she/they are coming back. It is just a matter of time before it happens again. If I let him/her them/ into my life, they will hurt me too. Something bad will happen if I tell, stop it, or confront it. They are going to get me. Doom is just around the corner. He/she/they will kill me.

Scriptural Truth:

Matthew 10:28 “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

 Invalidation Related Lies

I am not loved, needed, wanted, cared for, or important. They do not need me. I am worthless and have no value. I am unimportant. I was a mistake. I should never have been born. I am in the way. I am a burden. I was never liked by them because I was ___________. God could never love or accept me. I could never be as ___________ as he/she. I could never jump high enough to please him/her. I am not acceptable.

Scriptural Truth:

Romans 5:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Matthew 10:29-31 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

Daily Affirmations

Truths I Believe About God

Sunday

God knows all about me, even my secret thoughts. (Psalm 139:1-4)

God calls me His beloved. (Rom. 9:23-25)

God chose me and brought me close to Himself. (Eph. 1:4, 2:13)

 Monday

I am important to God. (Isaiah 49:14-16)

God wants to help me today. (Isaiah 41:10)

I am not alone. (Rom. 8:38-39, Heb. 13:5)

 Tuesday

God is on my side. (Psalm 118:6, Rom. 8:31)

God is always fair. (Psalm 37:28)

God always makes the right decisions. (Psalm 18:30)

God is a good and righteous judge. (Psalm 98:9)

God hates sin. (Psalm 5:4-5)

God spares me from His wrath because of what Christ did on the cross for me. (1 Thess. 5:9-10)

 Wednesday

God has realistic expectations of me today. (Matt. 11:28-30, 1 John 5:3)

God accepts me. (Eph. 1:6)

God forgives me when I sin. (Psalm 103:12, 1 John 1:9)

God knows when I am trying to follow Him and He is pleased. (Psalm 147:10-11)

God really loves me. (Micah 7:18-19)

 Thursday

God suffers with me in my struggles. (Heb. 2:18, 4:15)

God hides me in the shadow of His wings. (Psalm 91:1)

God has good things planned for my life. (Psalm 31:19, Jer. 29:11)

God is concerned with meeting my physical, spiritual and emotional needs. (Phil. 4:19, 2 Pet. 1:3)

 Friday

God knows all the “what ifs” of my life. (Job 23:10, Psalm 139:16)

God knows when I am overwhelmed. (Lam. 3:55-58)

God collects my tears. He weeps with me. (Psalm 56:8)

God enjoys me. (Zeph. 3:17)

God thinks that I am precious. (Isaiah 43:4)

 Saturday

God has adopted me as His child. (Rom. 8:15, 1 John 3:1)

God loves me with an everlasting love. (Jer. 31:3)

God feels compassion towards me. (Psalm 103:13)

God wants to bless me. (Rom. 8:32, Eph. 1:3)

God sees everything and hears when I pray. (Psalm 33:18, 34:6)

Understanding Your Identity In Christ

Ephesians 1:3-13

Read the following passage of Scripture, inserting your name to personalize these verses.

“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed ___________ in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose ____________ in him before the foundation of the world, that _____________ should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined _______________ for adoption as [a child] through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed ____________ in the Beloved. 7 In him ______________ [has] redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of ___________’s trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon ___________, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to ____________ the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. 11In him _____________ [has] obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that ____________ who [was] the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him ____________ also, when ____________ heard the word of truth, the gospel of ______________ salvation, and believed in him, [was] sealed with the promised Holy Spirit.”

1.      How do you feel these truths apply to you?

2.      Are you able to internalize and receive how this passage applies to you? Why or why not?

3.      What passage do you personally relate with most?

Applying Being "In Christ" to My Everyday Life

Since I am in Christ…….

• My holiness is not dependent on my efforts; it is dependent on the finished work of Christ and the Holy Spirit in me. Therefore:

·         I can stop “trying” to get holiness and accept that I am already holy. (Deuteronomy 7:6)

·         My achievements do not make me “more holy,” neither do my failures make me “less holy.” (Philippians 3:9)

• I can receive God’s forgiveness and thus forgive myself for my past failures. (Colossians 2:13-14)

• God loves me unconditionally because Christ died for me. His love is not tied to my performance or obedience. (1 John 4:10)

• I am acceptable and have worth to God based on the finished work of Christ—not by my efforts. His acceptance of me is a gift through faith. Therefore…

·         I don’t have to focus on my strengths to gain acceptance. I can accept myself with my weaknesses because God created me and accepts me completely with my weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

·         I no longer must hide my mistakes and failures because God knows about them, has forgiven them, and loves me despite my past. (Psalm 103:10-13)

·         I have no reason for pride because I didn’t do anything to earn my worth and acceptance. (1 Cor. 1:26-29)

·         My identity is not determined by my education, vocation, wealth, power, or position. I am a child of God, a saint, and a chosen one. (1 Peter 2:9-10)

·         I am secure because my acceptance is based on something that will not change with time. I don’t need to fear the loss of intelligence, abilities, looks, finances, family, friends, social status, reputation, position, etc. (Psalm 62:6-7)

  Which of these truths and scriptures are the most meaningful to you?

Fall Dinner 2024

You are invited to the IBCC Fall Dinner on Thursday, November 7th at 6:30pm. This year’s event will be a delightful evening of fellowship, good food, and inspiring testimonies at Seasons 52 restaurant outside the Fashion Mall off Keystone. The address is 8650 Keystone Crossing, Indianapolis, IN. 46240.

We are thrilled to share the impactful work of the discipleship counseling ministry in helping those in need. Our ministry focuses on two pillars of our counseling: helping our clients understand and receive their identity in Christ and addressing anything that keeps them from living out of who they are in Christ.

The evening will be an unique opportunity to hear testimonies of God’s grace and an update on the IBCC ministry. We invite you to join us in praising God for his faithfulness. The cost is $30 per person. To reserve your spot, please call our office at 317-585-1845 or email office@indianabcc.com, or by mailing a check to our office.

Your prayers and financial support are not just important; they are vital to the spiritual growth of our clients as they receive the help they need. We sincerely appreciate your past support, which as empowered us to continue our mission.

We look forward to seeing you there!

Matching Funds Drive 2024

Matching Funds Drive 2024

I praise the Lord for your concern for this ministry to help hurting people. Our counseling ministry has been in operation for twenty-seven years and is a safe place for people to come for help. We pray and desire to continue demonstrating the love of Jesus Christ to those we help. Many of our clients struggle with shame and suffering in isolation. IBCC offers a place of love, grace, and mercy for those hurting and needing help.

Our matching fund campaign is a unique opportunity to make a difference. With a generous pledge of $14,000 to be matched, we are excited to present an opportunity for you to play a pivotal role in providing counseling for our clients in 2024! The campaign, which you can help us kickstart, will start on May 15th and conclude on September 15th, 2024. 

How can you participate? 

Participating in our matching fund campaign is simple. You can donate by clicking on the button below, you can do so through our website (www.indianabcc.com) via PayPal and note your donation for the matching funds. Your contribution will be automatically matched, doubling the impact of your support.

We are truly grateful for your thoughtful consideration and appreciate your prayers and financial support. Thank you! Your past contributions have been instrumental in our ability to provide a haven for those in need. We ask that you continue to pray for our clients, staff, and ministry so that we may persist as a beacon of hope and healing in our community. 

How To Process Your Fear

"...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
-- 2 Timothy 1:7

Fear was the first emotion recorded in Scripture after the fall. Adam said, "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself" (Genesis 3:10). Ever since the fall of man, fear is an emotion we all need to address in our lives.

 Feeling fear is a natural response when our emotional, psychological and physical safety is threatened. For fear to intensify, it must possess two attributes: we must perceive it as imminent (present) and potent (dominant) over us. For example, the number one fear people experience is death. When we are young and healthy, death seems far away. However, when diagnosed with a life-threatening illness like cancer, fear, and anxiety can overwhelm us. The truth is those in Christ are all delivered from the fear of death! (Hebrews 2:15)

Acknowledging and understanding your fears and addressing them with the truth early in the process can be of great help. 

Asking yourself and processing these questions can help you begin to work through your fears. Work through one concern at a time. You might want to start by addressing your greatest fear first. 

What is my reason to fear? Is it a rational fear? Does the initial fear lead to other related concerns? 

How imminent is it? How powerful is it?  

How realistic is it? 

You cannot remove everything in your life that causes you fear. However, you can work on lowering its intensity. These are the critical questions to address it...What thoughts do I have that makes this object of fear grow in intensity? Am I asking myself repetitive what about or what-if questions that are increasing my fear? What lies am I believing? 

What Biblical truth can bring me comfort and speak truth to my fears? Make a list with two columns. On one side, write down the list of negative thoughts or lies that build on the fear and the other column, the Biblical truth that speaks to each negative belief or lie. 

What bodily sensations does this fear cause me to have? Increased heart rate? Tingling in my arms? Heavy breathing and pressure on my chest? Are my physical symptoms caused by my emotions or do I have a physical issue? Do I need to seek medical help? 

What reactions does this fear cause me to have? Is my reaction healthy for me and others around me? Is there panic or a fearful response?

What bad habits that come from my fear? Am I developing phobias, avoidant behaviors, addictions, obsessions?

Is there someone I can reach out to help me work through these questions and gain a healthier perspective?

What does it look like for me to allow Christ to comfort me in my fears? (1 Peter 5:7)

When the resurrected Christ first appeared to His disciples He found them cowering in fear of the Jews. He simply said to them, "Peace be with you" (John 20:19). God's provision for personal redemption had come and they no longer had to be afraid. The same is true for us today!

The Reality of Fear and Anxiety

Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Our present world situation brings the reality of fear and anxiety home for many of us. Fear is an emotion that powerfully energizes our nervous system. When we experience fear, the amygdala in our brain is activated. The amygdala is the part of our brain designed to be on guard and protect us from fearful things and people. Fear impacts all of us in various ways. The command, "fear not," is the most repeated in the Bible. Yet, it is not always the easiest to do.  

Many people I counsel struggle with various degrees of fear and anxiety. Their distress ranges from generalized anxiety to the impact of past trauma and living with chronic PTSD. I try to help them understand the physical, emotional, and spiritual struggles they are experiencing, and guide them through a process to help address their fears. 

I would like to address anxiety. You might be asking, what is the difference between fear and anxiety? Fear has a known object (sometimes not consciously remembered) related to a past or present experience. When a person experiences anxiety, they may not always know the cause. 

WHAT IS ANXIETY ALL ABOUT?

• Anxiety is a sense of being out of control.


• It is a fear of the unknown.


• It is an assumption that bad things will occur.


• It is a sense of uncertainty, tension, or uneasiness about a future event, but not always sure of what the specific activity or thing feared. 


• It is an uncomfortable feeling of dread characterized by nervousness, tension, and apprehension.
• Anxiety is extremely common in unhealthy relationships. 


• It can associated to past trauma relating to a feeling of being out of control or trapped.


• Anxiety occurs when a person becomes afraid to address a negative situation and emotion inside.
• It is an adaptive feeling of high nervousness experienced by all of us, to something unpleasant and generally leads to some action to relieve the feeling.


• It can be free-floating, a term used to describe a lack of focus on a specific target. Unlike a fear that develops in reaction to a particular (real or imagined) danger, anxiety can have no apparent cause of which the person is aware.


• An exaggerated state of anxiety, resulting in a profound disturbance in the ability to function, is called panic.




WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MYSELF WITH ANXIETY?

• Daily remind yourself that you are God's child, and he will take care of you for eternity. 

Luke 12:32, "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

• Acknowledge your feelings and express them in prayer. 

Philippians 4:6,7 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

• When anxiety starts to surface, stop and ask yourself, "What negative thoughts am I thinking?". Attempt to see the circumstance from a positive perception. 

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

• Address double-mindedness: Plan A (God's will) vs. Plan B (my will) thinking. We must be careful to align our thoughts and surrender our will to God's plan for our life. 

1 Peter 5:6,7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

• Practice self-awareness and assess your thoughts. What do you believe about this event or situation? What are the lies you are believing or feeling? What is the truth of God's Word that speaks the truth? Are you under a spiritual attack? Separate facts, assumptions, and feelings. 

1 Peter 5:8,9 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

• Write down and share with God your feelings and thoughts in a diary or a notebook. 

Psalm 141:1 " O Lord, I call upon you; hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to you!"

• Read and personalize the Psalms every day. 

Psalm 61:1-3 "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy."

• Plan how you will respond step-by-step if a panic attack occurs. Work on being self-aware at the onset of your trigger. Understand what your trigger is. Take your thoughts captive. Take time to relax and do something that you enjoy. Practice relaxation exercises by breathing deeply and slowly.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"

• Learn the importance of mutual emotional regulation. Talk to a trusted friend who will listen and understand you when you are anxious. It can help you to have greater clarity and return to joy. 

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

2023 MARRIAGE RETREATS

How would you like a getaway with your spouse? How about a time of fellowship and learning together with me and a few other couples? I tell couples that attending one of the marriage retreats I lead is like about 12 hours of marriage counseling, but with an opportunity to interact and begin applying what you were learning!

It has been a blessing to work closely in leading marriage retreats for Marriage Preserve Ministry in Kokomo, Indiana, for several years now. The retreat begins Friday at 5:15 PM and ends at Noon on Sunday. The first retreat is being held March 3rd-5th and the second October 13th-15th. The cost is $375 and includes:

• Two Nights Lodging

• Training Materials & Teaching

• Counseling Session (if requested)

• 2 Meals

• Snacks and Drinks 

Scholarships are available; please contact Greg Davis at Preserve Marriage Ministries at greg.davis@preservemarriages.com.

We will cover topics that will enhance your marriage and send you home with a renewed plan to improve your marriage oneness! 

Topics Covered:

• Living & Loving Out Of My New Heart

• Building Joy & Creating Love Bonds

• Overcoming Fear Bonding

• Addressing Root Issues

• Communication Skills

• Making Decisions Together

• Giving and Receiving Love

Testimonies:

"I loved that Jeff went for the heart/root issues rather than just putting a "how-to" band-aid on it. My husband and I got a lot out of the sessions on taking thoughts captive and spiritual warfare. We found a lot of the principles to be practical toward parenting and other relationships as well. Overall, a great retreat and incredible ministry."

"This was an excellent Christian marriage retreat! Many Christian retreats are a bit "surfacy," provide insight into God's commands for marriage and practical applications, but do not truly get to the heart of God's intent for relationships, both individually and as a marriage."

It has been an enormous blessing to work alongside Greg Davis, a retired police officer who leads Preserve Marriage Ministries. He is very accommodating to answer a question you might have and meet any need you have regarding the retreat, including dietary concerns. Please feel free to call Greg at 765-864-2100.

Location:
4254 S. 00 E.W. 
Kokomo, IN 46902-5205 United States

To Register: Call Greg Davis 765-864-2100 or email 
greg.davis@preservemarriages.com

http://www.preservemarriages.com/event/beyond-the-ring-retreat-2018-12-07-2/all/

Overcoming Self-Contempt

Overcoming Self Contempt

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

Condemnation is a judicial term that declares a person guilty and worthy of punishment from a judge or jury. Self-contempt is passing sentence on yourself for your own actions. These are significant issues in the lives of many of our clients. The Apostle Paul says that for those in Christ, there is no condemnation. That means absolutely zero! This critical reality is especially true for those abused or who have experienced performance-based conditional love. They have a difficult time receiving God's love and forgiveness for themselves. They are plagued by self-loathing and believe the lies of condemnation. 

It is a joy to come alongside others and help expose the lies they believe and receive freedom in Christ! One former client put it this way.

"Satan had convinced me that I was a hypocritical wretch. The lies and accusations were so subtle, mingled with enough truth that I felt trapped, powerless and afraid to believe anything else. Praise the Lord that I am finally free. I am a new person. I have learned that most of what I had believed were lies. I no longer have thoughts of killing myself. I can communicate and forgive. I have a new love for the Word of God, and I feel confident as I approach the throne of grace."

Affirmations for Dismantling Self-Contempt

•    I acknowledge my sin and receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ. 
•    I choose to love myself as God wants me to love myself. 
•    I do not need to punish or hurt myself. 
•    What was forced on me by others was not my fault. 
•    I refuse all false guilt. 
•    It is all right to be healed inside. 
•    I choose to take care of myself. 
•    I do not deserve to be hurt by others. 
•    I am not an evil person.
•    I will see myself as Christ sees me today. 
•    I deserve to be treated respectfully. 
•    It is all right to make a mistake. 
•    I am not a ____________ (whatever you call yourself inside). 
•    It is all right for me to have joy!
•    My body is not evil. 
•    I am precious in God's sight. 
•    I am not a mistake. 
•    God delights in me. 
•    I reject Satan's opinion of me and receive God's opinion of me.

Thank you for your prayers and continued support in helping hurting people. I pray the Lord will use these emails to encourage and help your walk with Jesus!