How to Process Your Fear

"...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
2 Timothy 1:7

Fear was the first emotion recorded in Scripture after the fall. Adam said, "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself" (Genesis 3:10). Ever since the fall of man, fear is an emotion we all need to address in our lives.

Feeling fear is a natural response when our emotional, psychological and physical safety is threatened. For fear to intensify, it must possess two attributes: we must perceive it as imminent (present) and potent (dominant) over us. For example, the number one fear people experience is death. When we are young and healthy, death seems far away. However, when diagnosed with a life-threatening illness like cancer, fear, and anxiety can overwhelm us. The truth is those in Christ are all delivered from the fear of death! (Hebrews 2:15)

Acknowledging and understanding your fears and addressing them with the truth early in the process can be of great help. 

Asking yourself and processing these questions can help you begin to work through your fears. Work through one concern at a time. You might want to start by addressing your greatest fear first. 

1. What is my reason to fear? Is it a rational fear? Does the initial fear lead to other related concerns? 

2. How imminent is it? How powerful is it?  

3. How realistic is it? 

4. You cannot remove everything in your life that causes you fear. However, you can work on lowering its intensity. These are the critical questions to address it...What thoughts do I have that makes this object of fear grow in intensity? Am I asking myself repetitive what about or what-if questions that are increasing my fear? What lies am I believing? 

5. What Biblical truth can bring me comfort and speak truth to my fears? Make a list with two columns. On one side, write down the list of negative thoughts or lies that build on the fear and the other column, the Biblical truth that speaks to each negative belief or lie. 

6. What bodily sensations does this fear cause me to have? Increased heart rate? Tingling in my arms? Heavy breathing and pressure on my chest? Are my physical symptoms caused by my emotions or do I have a physical issue? Do I need to seek medical help? 

7. What reactions does this fear cause me to have? Is my reaction healthy for me and others around me? Is there panic or a fearful response?

8. What bad habits that come from my fear? Am I developing phobias, avoidant behaviors, addictions, obsessions?

9. Is there someone I can reach out to help me work through these questions and gain a healthier perspective?

10. What does it look like for me to allow Christ to comfort me in my fears? (1 Peter 5:7)

When the resurrected Christ first appeared to His disciples He found them cowering in fear of the Jews. He simply said to them, "Peace be with you" (John 20:19). God's provision for personal redemption had come and they no longer had to be afraid. The same is true for us today!

Experiencing the Reality of Fear

The Reality of Fear & Anxiety
 

Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

A virus that began thousands of miles away in Wuhan, China, brings the reality of fear and anxiety home for all of us. Fear is an emotion that powerfully energizes our nervous system. When we experience fear, the amygdala in our brain is activated. The amygdala is the part of our brain designed to be on guard and protect us from fearful things and people. Fear impacts all of us in various ways. The command, "fear not," is the most repeated in the Bible. Yet, it is not always the easiest to do.  

Many people I counsel struggle with various degrees of fear and anxiety. Their distress ranges from generalized anxiety to the impact of past trauma and living with chronic PTSD. I try to help them understand the physical, emotional, and spiritual struggles they are experiencing, and guide them through a process to help address their fears. 

In the coming weeks, I will be discussing several topics related to this complex issue. First, I would like to address anxiety. You might be asking, what is the difference between fear and anxiety? Fear has a known object (sometimes not consciously remembered) related to a past or present experience. When a person experiences anxiety, they may not always know the cause. 

What is anxiety all about?

• Anxiety is a sense of being out of control.
• It is a fear of the unknown.
• It is an assumption that bad things will occur.
• It is a sense of uncertainty, tension, or uneasiness about a future event, but not always sure of what the specific activity or thing feared. 
• It is an uncomfortable feeling of dread characterized by nervousness, tension, and apprehension.
• Anxiety is extremely common in unhealthy relationships. 
• It can associated to past trauma relating to a feeling of being out of control or trapped.
• Anxiety occurs when a person becomes afraid to address a negative situation and emotion inside.
• It is an adaptive feeling of high nervousness experienced by all of us, to something unpleasant and generally leads to some action to relieve the feeling.
• It can be free-floating, a term used to describe a lack of focus on a specific target. Unlike a fear that develops in reaction to a particular (real or imagined) danger, anxiety can have no apparent cause of which the person is aware.
• An exaggerated state of anxiety, resulting in a profound disturbance in the ability to function, is called panic.


What can I do to help myself with anxiety? 

• Daily remind yourself that you are God's child, and he will take care of you for eternity. 

Luke 12:32, "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

• Acknowledge your feelings and express them in prayer. 

Philippians 4:6,7 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

• When anxiety starts to surface, stop and ask yourself, "What negative thoughts am I thinking?". Attempt to see the circumstance from a positive perception. 

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

• Address double-mindedness: Plan A (God's will) vs. Plan B (my will) thinking. We must be careful to align our thoughts and surrender our will to God's plan for our life. 

1 Peter 5:6,7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

• Practice self-awareness and assess your thoughts. What do you believe about this event or situation? What are the lies you are believing or feeling? What is the truth of God's Word that speaks the truth? Are you under a spiritual attack? Separate facts, assumptions, and feelings. 

1 Peter 5:8,9 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

• Write down and share with God your feelings and thoughts in a diary or a notebook. 

Psalm 141:1 " O Lord, I call upon you; hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to you!"

• Read and personalize the Psalms every day. 

Psalm 61:1-3 "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy."

• Plan how you will respond step-by-step if a panic attack occurs. Work on being self-aware at the onset of your trigger. Understand what your trigger is. Take your thoughts captive. Take time to relax and do something that you enjoy. Practice relaxation exercises by breathing deeply and slowly.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"

• Learn the importance of mutual emotional regulation. Talk to a trusted friend who will listen and understand you when you are anxious. It can help you to have greater clarity and return to joy. 

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

What Can I do With All This Stress

What Can I Do With All This Stress? 
 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - Jesus, John 16:33

One of the aspects of stress that is problematic, is that it is cumulative. What do I mean? Stress is something that builds over time, even when we are not consciously aware of it. With more responsibility, new problems, painful situations, stress can take an emotional toll on us.

As a growing Christian, we must allow stress to help us grow in our dependence on Christ in every area of our life. We cannot let it overwhelm us and negatively impact us and those around us. How we process stress in our life will significantly affect us spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Here is a beneficial process that I have personally applied and counseled my clients to work on. You can get your Bible and pen and paper and it can be help to you!

First of all, reflect on these verses through meditation and memorization. Any other scriptures that are personally meaningful to you concerning God's grace are helpful.

Isaiah 40:29, "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."
Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Jeremiah 32:17, "Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you."

Secondly, pray and ask the Lord to help you make a list of your top 10 fears, concerns, worries, painful situations, etc.

Write them down. Take that list and evaluate what bucket to put each item. Separating our list into these different categories can help us to know how to address the different areas that impact our lives. There could be aspects of each burden that apply in more than one bucket.
The three buckets are:

• I can still change it, and what does the Lord want me to do about it? Pray and ask God for wisdom as to what steps you can take to address the situation. Write down your applications. Be proactive. As you begin to apply these steps, the stress in your life will lessen, and the sense of accomplishment will increase, relieving stress.

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." Peter, 1 Peter 1:13

• I can't change the situation, and I need to grieve the loss and accept it. When people experience the painful reality of loss in their life, they are at risk of getting stuck in depression in the grief cycle. Losing hope can be replaced with faith if I allow myself to feel the pain and look to Christ for healing and accept the loss. We can then put our confidence and trust in God for what will happen to us and know he will use it in our lives for good.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Paul, Romans 8:18  

• It can still change, but only God can change it, and I need to trust God with the situation. Trusting God is an excellent place for us to be. We learn in scripture that there are many things that only God can change. We need to distinguish between what is our responsibility to change something and what only God can change. If we take responsibility for only what God can change, it will lead to us controlling another person or situation that will add to our stress and sense of hopelessness and make the situation worse.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

As you prayerfully process through these steps my hope is that it will help you find help in relieving your stress and experience the grace of God as you depend on him. 

How Stressed Out Are You?

How Stressed Out Are You?  
 

Psalm 25:12,13a "Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being..."

One of my goals as a counselor is helping my clients remain as functional as possible as they address the painful emotional issues in their lives. Sometimes this can be difficult for some people depending on several factors. One crucial factor in this is their current stress levels and how they manage it. It is essential to become more self-aware of the impact of stress in our lives, because we are not always realistic about how many responsibilities we can take on. Most importantly, prolonged stress in our lives will lead to burnout!

One verse that has been important to me in regards to my own self-awareness is Romans 12:3, "For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." Notice that Paul uses the term "sober judgment" to describe having a proper perspective of yourself, instead of "more highly" of yourself, which is rooted in the flesh, pride, and self-sufficiency.  

Recently a good friend of mine introduced me to the "Human Function Curve" in a helpful diagram. Here are some helpful questions to better evaluate yourself. 

1. Where are you at on the function curve?

2. Where does God want you to be on the function curve?

3. What can you do to move towards God's best for your life in this regard?

4. What are you trying to control that you need to turn over to God?

5. Are you self medicating to address your stress? 

6. What is the trajectory of your life? Is the path towards 'self,' or is it 'other-minded'?

HELP...I AM STRESSED OUT!!!

Isaiah 26:3, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you."

Do you know there is a difference between good stress and bad stress? We all experience stress to some degree in our lives; it is a regular aspect of our busy lives. However, bad stress can impact our physical health, emotional wellbeing, and bring spiritual conflicts in our lives. Good stress can motivate and challenge us toward a more fruitful life. I define stress in my life as feeling like I have seven things I need to get done and feeling like I only have time to do three. We all need to be aware of how we are impacted by stress and ask ourselves a few questions. What is good and bad stress in my life? How do I respond to stress? How does stress impact relationships around me? Am I looking to Christ for help? 

Here are a few things that I evaluate regarding stress and what we can do to help ourselves. 

Causes of Stress

• Perfectionism

• A need for control

• People pleasing

• Unrealistic expectations regarding an expected end

• Failure to plan and prepare for the future

Symptoms of Stress

• Are you having difficulty trusting God in essential areas of your life? 

• Do you suffer from neck or backaches, frequent headaches, insomnia, or chest pains?

• Do you have destructive habits, need medication or alcohol to relax?

• Are you frequently tense or irritable?

• Are you tired most of the time?

• Do you often have butterflies or knots in your stomach?

• Are you insensitive to the needs of others around you?

• Do you ever feel like you may explode or lose control sometimes?

• Do you often find yourself either discouraged or depressed?

Thirty ways to Help Yourself 

1. Never forget your identity in Christ and that you are God's child, and He loves you and has your best interest at heart. Ephesians 1:3-6; 1 John 4:16

2. Reflect on the reality of the sovereignty of God. He is supreme and in control of everything. Proverbs 16:9; Psalm 103:19; Romans 8:28

3. Get a complete physical checkup. Only take medicine when advised by a physician. Avoid the use of alcohol, drugs, etc. 

4. Start an exercise program at least three times a week for twenty minutes. Remember Jesus walked daily. I Corinthians 9:27

5. Accept the fact that everyone has stress. Change your attitude about stressful or anxiety-producing situations. Phil. 4:11; Hebrews 13:5

6. Find a friend or counselor to talk with about your problems. James 5:16; Proverbs 11:14; 15:22; 24:6

7. Develop a constructive outlet for your stress. Tension or stress repressed inwardly can result in sickness. Eph. 4:15; I Cor. 9:27. 

8. Have a specific procedure for dealing with problems that arise. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Proverbs 2:9-12

9. Work at maintaining a balanced lifestyle and with adequate rest and sleep.

10. Renew your mind with Scripture. Romans 12:1-2; Psalms 1:2; 2 Cor. 10:5

11. Plan daily activities ahead of time and try to stick to your schedule even though you may not feel like it. Galatians 5:24; James 1:22; Proverbs 6:6-8

12. Join a community group or plan activities involving other people. Participate in planned recreation activities that you enjoy.

13. Set aside time daily for prayer, Bible study, and Scripture memory. II Timothy 2:15; Psalm 119:11

14. Attend church every week unless physically ill. Hebrews 10:25; I Cor. 16:1-2

15. Participate in some ministry where you can help others. Ephesians 4:26; Matthew 5:23-24

16. Resolve anger in relationships before the sun goes down. Ephesians 4:26; Matthew 5:23-24

17. Appropriately confront your fears with courage and strength. Proverbs 3:25; Psalm 27:1

18. Set high enough standards for your habits and behavior. Set limits for your life and learn to be assertive. Psalm 119:105; I Timothy 4:8; II Peter 1:6-7; Eccl. 12:12; Proverbs 4:14-15

19. Set realistic expectations for yourself and those around you and look at the positive aspect of circumstances. Philippians 4:8; Proverbs 3:8-9

20. Avoid foods that you may have food sensitivities and allergies.

21. Establish specific priorities of things to do for the day by writing them down and placing several important notes next to them with (1) being the most important and (10) being the least important. Delegate to others what others can do.

22. Try to limit major changes in your life to reduce stress.

23. Develop a sense of humor and laugh. Proverbs 15:13; Proverbs 17:22

24. Learn to forgive and do your best to live at peace with others. Matthew 6:12, 14, 15

25. Do not dwell on the past but set goals for the future and work towards them. Philippians 3:13-14; Romans 12:1-2

26. Trust in the Lord to help you with problems that you cannot solve by yourself. Stop trying to control everyone and everything! Proverbs 3:5-6

27. Have several hobbies or activities to participate in when anxiety or depression starts to set in. Paul made even made tents. Make a list of five things that you will do whenever you start to get anxious that can bring joy.

28. Work on communication by not assuming what others think and simply ask what they are thinking. James 4:3 

29. Are there any lies on the tapes that play in your mind? Address every lie with the truth of God's Word. Ephesians 6:16

30. Spend less time in front of a screen in the evening. Read a real book before you go to sleep.